Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Am I Forgetting? - Memories of Mama

I think of Mama and miss her everyday... but my memory of her face is starting to fade and I feel sad. I still look at my watch to see if it's time for our nightly visit, and I still check my voice messages to see if Mama or the nurses called... what am I thinking? Sometimes I even forget what our daily rituals with Mama were at the nursing home. They say that "time heals everything" and "grieving is a long process", but that doesn't make me feel any better. 

Naturally I have my daily reminders of Mama, there's the "genetic thing" that I've inherited from her. Her love of music, singing and food, her nervous energy, her anxieties, the list goes on. I find myself seeing more and more similarities and think "Oh my God, I'm turning into my mother". I've heard many others say that, but I never really got it. It can be funny, it can be comforting but when your mother has Dementia, it can be scary. 

What's really scary is that sometimes I forget. I have to look at photos to remind me of my mothers face. As I go through my photo files, I look, I smile and sometimes I cry. And then I vividly remember her face like it was yesterday and I can hear her voice... it makes me stronger. It makes me more determined to keep the promise we made to Mama... to tell her story, our story... as "Some Of These Daze" continues to develop.

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