Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Am I Forgetting? - Memories of Mama

I think of Mama and miss her everyday... but my memory of her face is starting to fade and I feel sad. I still look at my watch to see if it's time for our nightly visit, and I still check my voice messages to see if Mama or the nurses called... what am I thinking? Sometimes I even forget what our daily rituals with Mama were at the nursing home. They say that "time heals everything" and "grieving is a long process", but that doesn't make me feel any better. 



Naturally I have my daily reminders of Mama, there's the "genetic thing" that I've inherited from her. Her love of music, singing and food, her nervous energy, her anxieties, the list goes on. I find myself seeing more and more similarities and think "Oh my God, I'm turning into my mother". I've heard many others say that, but I never really got it. It can be funny, it can be comforting but when your mother has Dementia, it can be scary. 



What's really scary is that sometimes I forget. I have to look at photos to remind me of my mothers face. As I go through my photo files, I look, I smile and sometimes I cry. And then I vividly remember her face like it was yesterday and I can hear her voice... it makes me stronger. It makes me more determined to keep the promise we made to Mama... to tell her story, our story... as "Some Of These Daze" continues to develop.

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Saturday, June 20, 2015

Father's Day - Memories of Mama

During our nightly visits with Mama, we would reminisce and talk about "the good old days". This was usually safe territory because Mama was able to make up or elaborate on things that had happened. She had a better recollection of the past than I did, it was her short term memory that was the problem.


A few years ago on Father's Day I asked Mama to tell me and Douglass something she remembered most about my father. She looked at me like I was crazy.

Mama: Your father? You want me to talk about your father?

Vin: Yeah, Mama tell me the first thing that comes to mind about Dad. Tell Douglass something about him, he never got to meet him.

Mama: Well Douglass, my husband was a gambler.

Douglass: He liked to gamble?

Mama: Where the hell have you been? Of course he liked to gamble! He loved to gamble - the horses, the numbers, cards, you name it he did it all. We never had any money because of his father.


Vin: Ma, is that all you're going to say about Dad? It's Father's Day after all, say something nice.

Mama: Well, I miss that son of a bitch. Why the hell did he have to leave me?

Douglass: He left you? Where did he go?

Mama: He left me, he's six feet under. God rest his soul, he was a good man, but what a gambler!

Vin: Ma, it's Father's Day.

Mama: What do you want me to say? Happy Father's Day, wherever the hell you are! Now let's play some cards.


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