A Caregiver's Nightmare

I woke up in a sweat startled from a terrifying nightmare. Believe it or not I still dream about Mama and sometimes the dreams are not always pleasant, this was one of them. Many times they are anxiety dreams that I didn't visit her or that I forgot to call her. Even though it's been years since Mama has passed, I still have these dreams and I know many caregivers probably do too. This particular dream was bizarre and disturbing.

Mama was in the hospital once again, but only this time there were many family members in the room around her bed. Spoiler alert, family never visited her in the hospital, and only rarely in the nursing home. Everyone was talking very loudly at the same time. They all wanted to tell me what I should be doing for Mama. It reminded me of our family holiday dinners around the table, but not in a good way! The distorted voices were chaotic and frenzied. All of their movements were in slow motion. I couldn't get a word in, which was very unusual for me. Nobody could hear me as I tried to speak. I screamed "I make the decisions, I'm the one that's always here. Where were you all when I needed you?" But no one heard.

I jumped out of bed and realized it was a dream. I slowly tried to catch my breath as I wiped the sweat off of my face. I knew it was a nightmare, because in reality I made sure that my voice was always heard when it came to Mama. I know most caregivers try to listen to everyone, but believe in yourself and follow your instincts. No one knows your loved one like you do.

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"Dementia-Mama-Drama" on Amazon Books

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Everyday Was Mother's Day

When I was a caregiver for Mama, everyday was Mother's Day. Like it or not, it was all about her. Whether it was doing her nails, bringing her favorite snacks, taking her out for dinner, a walk through the neighborhood, getting her hair done, making her laugh extra hard or just playing our nightly cards and singing... everyday was a special day.

I felt terrible for other mothers in the nursing home who only had their annual obligatory Mother's Day visits from their sons or daughters. It seemed as though they just didn't make the time or feel the need to keep a strong connection with their mother for the rest of the year. It made me feel sad, so whenever I'd see a mother without a visitor I'd try to engage them in small talk or at least try to make them smile. Sometimes a direct simple look into their eyes and a hello would make them smile. Mama would always get jealous whenever I did this during our nightly visits because it was our time together. She'd often say "did you come to visit them or me"?

As a caregiver you don't have to stress or limit yourself to that one day. Any day could be that special "Mother's Day". Call her, visit her, make the time you spend together count. After all if it wasn't for your mother... you wouldn't be here.

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Read more about our journey with Mama in our book 

"Dementia-Mama-Drama" on Amazon Books

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Mama and Her Never Ending Birthdays

I'm going down memory lane because it's that time of year... Mama's birthday. Douglass and I would always do something special for her birthday. When she was physically able to make the trip, we'd take her out to eat in a restaurant. It didn't matter where we went to eat but she always wanted Italian. If not, we'd bring her over to our home for a night of birthday celebration and cook her favorite meal - spaghetti and meatballs. We usually bought her flowers and clothes but she really loved it when we bought her balloons. She would insist on attaching the balloons to her walker, and in later years to her wheelchair.

She kept the balloons attached to her walker for weeks. She would do this for the attention and the joy of getting noticed (as if she needed more attention). She played the "birthday card" until those balloons had their last ounce of helium in them. She'd continue to get extra birthday cake for weeks from visitors and the staff because everyday was her birthday as long as she had her balloons! And if you knew Mama or have read anything about her, you know she loved her cake. 

Whenever I see balloons I think of Mama and her never ending birthday. It lasted as long as the balloons and the endless amount of cake. So this year Douglass and I will toast Mama again and be on the lookout for any stray balloons. We learned early on to always know your loved ones "happy place." Happy birthday, Mama. 

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Read more about our journey with Mama in our book "Dementia-Mama-Drama" on Amazon Books

You Can Also Follow Us On

Facebook: Dementia-Mama-Drama

Twitter: DementiaMama

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Visit Our Shop. Click on Link Below:

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