Dementia-Mama-Drama: September 2015

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

My Mr Know It All... Memories of Mama

On a typical night, I would play parent and tell Mama what to do or what I thought may be best. I'd tell her to eat a ginger candy for digestion or we'd do deep breathing to help her relax (and me). Most nights we'd do some easy restorative Yoga exercises for mind, body and spirit. Here's a taste of a typical conversation...

Mama: Okay, okay we'll exercise - whatever you say. You know best, you know everything.

Vin: I don't know everything, but I know some things that may be good for you.

Mama: So my Mr know it all... tell me. What's the weather gonna be like tomorrow?

Vin: How the hell should I know?

Mama: Well, I know! My hands are killin' me and that means it's gonna rain.

Mama was right. The next day, it rained. Once again mothers know best.

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Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Letting Go - Memories of Mama

We're in the process of trying to move back home to NYC and are constantly going thru and getting rid of things. I find things of Mama's and I know I have to get rid of some of them, but it's difficult. I still have paperwork from her first hospital stay. I have the last pack of graham crackers and Hershey bar still in her purse. I have things of Mama's that I'm attached to and things that I know that just gotta go. I've been learning how to let go gradually, but the memories always bring me back to Mama...

I was Mama's everything. I was very lucky that way, she lived for me! I brought her happiness, but she may have depended on that a little too much. She even told me towards her "final curtain" that if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't care if she lived or died! OMG... How's that for a guilt trip?

The separation from mother and child is challenging. It can be scary, but it's the first step in growing. After your mother gives you life you immediately get separated. (Big screams from both) Pain, freedom, relief... that's the first time you both learn about letting go.

At the first day of school parents drop off their child with the teachers. It's another step of both learning how to let go. Deep breaths, have faith and move forward.

The letting go process continues thru the years... going away to college, getting your first apartment, falling in love, getting married and for some, having children. You get the picture, right? Then at some point, things start to change and the tables are turned. The child becomes the parent and the cycle continues.

You begin to learn how to leave your parent alone in their apartment. You let go slowly always with worry and doubt in your mind, something could always happen. You realize that you now have a child.

You may even have to go one step further as you both continue to learn to let go... this time it's in a nursing home. WTF? I would never put my parent in a home! Guilt again but then there's reality... I couldn't do it alone. More deep breaths.

My final lesson of "letting go" was when my mother left this world to go onto her next act. I talked her through it and tried to make it an easy journey and told her (through my tears) that it would be okay. I remembered how she let me know (through her tears) that kindergarten was gonna be okay and I'd be just fine. Full circle, right?

As I continue to go through my things and let some of them go, I'll hold onto others. I cherish the memories I had with Mama and will never let those go. After all, I was her everything.