Caregiving 101 - Say "I Love You"

Every night no matter what happened in our day, when I would leave Mama after visiting, I'd say good night (a few times), give her a big hug and a kiss. She would always smile at me with that big glowing smile and it would make all the drama worthwhile. Even on those few nights when I wasn't able to visit, when we spoke on the phone we'd always end our conversation with "I love you."   

I think of those times even though she is no longer here with me. And at night when I meditate and say my prayers, I still say good night Mama, I love you. I know that she is smiling. Caregiving 101, say I love you... you won't regret it and you'll never forget it.

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"Here's a Mint" - Memories of Mama

During Mama's last year she often complained about her stomach. If she wasn't starving, she had heartburn or a tummy ache or a funny taste in her mouth. But the one thing Mama never lost was her sense of humor and salty tongue. This was a typical night with Mama, I still remember it like it was yesterday... 

Mama: My stomach is upset.
Vin: Here's a mint, it'll make you feel better. Let it melt in your mouth.
Mama: Well where do think it's gonna melt... in my ass?
Vin: Only if you put it there, Mama. Only if you put it there!
Mama: Oh, you're very funny. You're a regular comedian.
Vin: I learned it from you.
Mama: Yes you did, my son.

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Mama's Recipe - Memories of Mama

Meatball Mama

Mama always loved food, the recipe to keep Mama happy was FOOD! It was something we'd always talk about... even up until her last few days. When all else failed, I knew the topic of food would never fail. We'd talk about what she ate, what she was going to eat or what she really wanted to eat. As her memory decreased I'd ask her about what she ate to see if she remembered on that particular day. I always knew what she had because I'd check the weekly menu on her bulletin board. If she didn't remember she'd make something up that was safe... usually spaghetti and meatballs (her favorite) or meat and potatoes (always a good answer).

When Mama was having a bad day I'd ask her about some of her favorite recipes. It became a running joke because every dish she ever made always had the same ingredients. She'd say "a little salt, a little pepper, olive oil and a lot of Italian cheese". It didn't matter what the dish, this was the stock answer. Looking back, it did hold true to most of her recipes. At the time it was funny and I'd egg her on to see how far I could take her and what other ingredients should would add. Most of the time she caught on and would laugh and tell me to "shut the hell up and enough with the damn recipes".

Mangia Mama!

And that's when she'd break into song and I knew all was good for the night. Thank God for music and of course "a little salt, a little pepper, olive oil and a lot of Italian cheese".

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The Roller Coaster Ride - Memories of Mama

As a child I was always terrified of rollercoaster rides. I didn't like them... I even got nose bleeds the few times I tried to buck up and enjoy them. But I didn't like them and I'm certain part of my neurosis was instilled in me from Mama. All I heard from her was "be careful", "watch out", "you're gonna get hurt", "it's dangerous"... the list goes on. She was extremely over protective and neurotic of many things, but then again "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." 

Many years later when I became a caregiver for Mama and rode the "roller coaster ride of Alzheimers" with her, this redundant term brought a new meaning to me. I realized that eventually we all have to face our fears and ride the roller coaster.

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Role Reversal... Memories of Mama

Even before Mama was diagnosed with Dementia, the parent/child role reversal was there between us. When I was ten years old Mama came home late from a doctor's appointment and I was worried... 

Vin: How was the doctor's appointment? You're late, what did he say?
Mama: He said I'm too nervous and I need to relax.
Vin: That's what he always says. But are you okay, Mama?
Mama: Yes, I'm fine but I'm going through "the change".
Vin: What change?
Mama: "The change".
Vin: What's the change?
Mama: Ask your father. Do you want some ice cream?

A few years ago in the nursing home, Mama's visits from the doctor were becoming more frequent. I began to worry even more. I asked her what the doctor said... 

Vin: How was your doctor's visit today? What did he say?
Mama: Oh, I'm sick and tired.
Vin: He said you're sick and tired?
Mama: No, he said I'm fine.
Vin: You're fine?
Mama: Yes he said I'll be fine when my son gets me the hell out of this place.
Vin: I'll ask the doctor about that one. Do you want some ice cream?

And so it goes... some things never change. My memories of Mama.

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