Monday, September 30, 2013

Out Guilting Sister Annunciata

Mama was always overprotective of me as a child. When I became her caregiver, I was the overprotective one.

I remember an incident that is typical of our relationship that took place while I was in grade school. We lived very close to the Catholic school I attended and I'd come home for lunch everyday.


One day I didn't come home and my mother went to the school to track me down. The principal told Mama that I must still be in the classroom. Mama madly marched up to my classroom. She was relieved to see me (of course she thought the worst) and was furious with the nun, Sister Annunciata. She demanded to know what had happened and why I was sitting in the classroom when I should be home eating lunch.

The nun said that some students were talking during class. When she asked the class who was talking I was the only one to raise my hand and tell the truth. My punishment was to stay in the classroom during lunchtime. This did not sit well with Mama... and she started her rant.

Sister Annunciata, you mean to tell me that since my son was the only one to tell the truth and not lie, you punish him by not sending him home to eat his lunch? You know how much he loves his food! And you punished me, scaring me half to death making me think my son died. Vincent, from now on you NEVER tell the truth, you LIE if you have to. If this is what telling the truth gets ya, it's a lot of baloney. Come home with me now, you're going to eat your lunch. And Sister, he may get back to school a little late. (Oh boy Mama was something - just like a pitbull, she didn't let go and really worked herself up). 

The nun tried calming Mama down saying that it isn't good to lie. She apologized for not calling to make Mama aware of the situation. Mama ignored the nun and won this round of Italian Catholic guilt. And I had a fabulous lunch taking my time eating, not rushing back and realizing that Mama out guilted the nun.

Mama has always been Mama Drama and has passed the genes onto me. In Mama's last few years there have been many times I behaved the same way to the doctors and nurses like Mama did to the nun. There's a little Mama Drama in all of us and it just goes to show you... somethings never change.

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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Dementia Mama Never Forgot 9/11

I'm reposting this in memory of Mama and the anniversary of 9/11.

Even as a child I never lied to Mama. Okay maybe during the teenage years when I stayed out past my curfew or answered "no, I haven't been drinking." I've always told it like it was to both my parents... even after Mama was diagnosed with Dementia over ten years ago. When problems were going on in my life, when family members died or when something bad happened, I told Mama the truth. That's the way I did it.

9/11 was no different... I felt Mama had to be aware of the tragedy. It didn't matter on what level she'd get it, I thought it was important for her to know. After all she'd be seeing it on TV and in the papers. We lived downtown in NYC and The World Trade Center was not far from us and her Nursing Home. In the first few days we weren't even allowed to cross certain streets without showing ID's - that's how close we were.

On that horrendous morning right after the towers were hit, I ran over to get Mama. I wheeled her into the middle of the empty street so she could see and hear what was going on all around us. We were able to see the flames at the top of the burning buildings. She didn't seem that interested, she just wanted to eat pancakes, but the fact was that we were there together! We'd make our daily visits to the West Side Highway by the Hudson River to watch recovery workers head downtown as we joined the crowds cheering them on.

On the anniversary of September 11th, I'd ask Mama what she remembered about the day. Her answers varied, but usually she'd remember the flames, people walking in the empty streets with no cars. It's odd how certain things remained in her mind - even with Dementia. It brings new meaning to the slogan "Never Forget".



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