It's always an emotional roller coaster with Mama Drama. From the moment I enter her room I could tell by her face, how she is doing & what kind of mood I may have to deal with that evening.
Tonight as I entered, there was barely any energy with the tiniest of smiles & hardly a light of recognition upon seeing me. I knew it would be a challenging visit.
Vin: "Do you want some chocolate?"
Mama: "Whaddya think?" (She takes it & finally a little smile).
Vin: "Do you want to leave your room & play some cards?"
Mama: "Of course." (Okay, we're batting a thousand so far, thank God!)
I just don't have the energy to put on a show & work that hard tonight. There are other things that I'm dealing with in my life besides Mama - as most of you Caregivers do as well! I just wanted to stay home tonight & relax... but there's no one else that visits. I wheel her out of her room & she mumbles something.
Vin: "What? I can't hear you".
Mama: "I said I LOVE you."
(OMG, what am I thinking about? THIS is what is important. This very special moment.)
Vin: "I love you too Mama."
Mama: "I don't know what I'd do without you?"
Vin: "Well, don't worry, I'll always be here for you." (I hold back the tears.)
Sometimes she can still play the role of Mama & I am her captive audience, I am her son again. It comes from a very real place. Sometimes I act the part of a needy son so that she can take the cue & realizes that "a mother's work is never done."
At times I do feel overwhelmed knowing that I'm the only one who can bring a smile to her face or change her mood. Its a big weight to carry, & some days it's not as easy as others. But like I tell Mama, don't worry I'll always be here for you.
Her energy is increasing & she starts singing an uptempo "Baby Face" replacing the original words. I know she is singing about me, because she looks at me with such devotion & motherly love that it makes everything else seem unimportant. I just wanna hear Mama's version of her song that she's singing to make me smile, because a mother knows. I now have tears in my eyes & a silly grin on my face. I applaud her & thank her. She says your welcome & knows that once again a mother has done her job.
I leave the nursing home in a good mood... we are both in good moods now. She is ready for sleep & I am ready for dinner (& maybe a cocktail.)