Mama & I said our goodbyes many times.
We strolled down memory lane so many times that it needs repaving. We talked about going to the light so often, that we needed a new lightbulb. We went thru the entire list of people she missed, & it's a long one (after all, she did come from a family of thirteen.) I reassured her that she would see them again & would be at peace. I repeatedly said to her that she didn't have to worry about me & it's okay to let go. "Let go, go towards the light." It seems so cliché, but no one ever said it doesn't work!
But was I ready to "let go?" Her final curtain forces me to face my mortality & question who is going to be my advocate in the end? In the past, I knew I'd survive anything because my job was to take care of Mama, so I HAD to survive. What happens to me now? I've become sad, scared & vulnerable.
Since moving to Suburbia, Mama became my only true friend. I feel odd saying that, but it's the truth! We continued saying our goodbyes & helped Mama with her transition "somewhere over the rainbow", where her "happy days are here again." Now I take it day by day & will make the most of our memories. Unlike Mama, I can recall most of them & will continue to share them with you on our blog. The difficult part for me now will be my transition of life without Mama.